painting by Neville Herbert-Reynolds
By Norris Frederick
“I love my life, Dad.
“I love your life too, Dad.
“I’m just curious about life, not death, I just like thinking about life.”
It’s a late May morning, grey and raining, and my son Neville and I are feeling cozy in the car, as I drive him to his art studio. He’s very talkative this morning, and in a philosophical mood.
“You love your life too, don’t you Dad?”
I reply, “I do, buddy, I do love my life. I’m very grateful.”
Neville continues, “I’m just curious about life, the circle of life. It’s like in the Lion King movie when Mufasa is talking to his son Simba. He talks about the antelopes and the grass. When the antelopes eat the grass, they get life. I like thinking about life.
“And the circle of life. Then when the lions eat the antelopes, the lions get life too. And then when the lions die, then the grass comes, and then the antelopes get life. That is the circle of life.
I am curious about life, Dad. I love my life.”
A sense of wonder
Our son Neville just turned 44 years old. He is a person with Down syndrome. He’s very social and has been called “the mayor” by some teachers, as Neville loves to go up and shake hands with people. Especially with pretty women.
He’s “strong as an ox,” as he likes to say, which comes in very handy for his older-than-we-used-to-be parents, who appreciate the many chores he does around the house. He plays Special Olympics tennis and basketball, where his specialty is the 3-point shot.
In several areas, he is high-functioning. He has an amazing memory for names, and for details about events, family, and sports. He’s very social, and keenly attuned to the moods of people around him. Neville can be hilarious, as in a recent family game of Uno, when he put down a “Draw Four” card, and the recipient said “Neville!” Nev quickly replied, “That’s my name, don’t wear it out!”
He reads in a book every day, for an hour or more. On days when we get the printed version of The Charlotte Observer, he reads every word of it. All that is a blessing, except when I’m looking for a section of the paper, and I shout down the hall, “Neville!! Where are the sports pages??!!”
“Oh, sorry, Dad, it’s right here.”
Neville is an outstanding artist, as you can see from his works at the top of this post and below.
painting by Neville Herbert-Reynolds
He does not do math well. At all. Neither do some of us.
He could never follow Plato’s arguments about Truth, Goodness, and Eros.
But he still philosophizes. Plato wrote, “All wisdom begins in wonder.”[1] As you can see from our conversation above, Neville wonders.
Neville is a living testament to Aristotle’s comment, “All people by nature desire to know.” Aristotle viewed human beings as very malleable, and thus the person we turn out to be is influenced greatly by our family and friends, our health, and by luck. Neville’s having Down syndrome was bad luck. His having Kimberley for his mother was wonderful luck for him.
I didn’t know Kimberley or Neville when he was born in 1982. Shortly after his birth, she ignored the advice of a physician who said Neville would be better off in an institution, advice that was common at the time. Instead, she read everything she could get her hands on, and connected with a network of people who were parents of children with Down’s. Since people with Down syndrome often have weak muscles as well as slow mental development, she organized a group of friends and the friends’ friends — 40 volunteers in all — to come to her house on a schedule to “pattern” Neville, moving his legs and arms rhythmically in order to strengthen the muscles and to form neural pathways.
And she talked to and with him, and read to him and with him, and taught him how to read, along with the help of a bevy of devoted and talented teachers. Even now, she and Neville walk together 30 – 60 minutes almost every day.
So the encouragement and support was there for Neville, that he might grow to wonder. Some of what he wonders is very specific, such as which animals predators eat, and what in turn can eat those predators. But he also wonders about the big questions, such as life. And the circle of life, and how a death fits into that circle of life.
He loves watching the Star Trek television series and movies. A favorite is “The Final Frontier,” in which the crew appear to be getting messages from God, leading the starship Enterprise and its crew on a search for the source of these messages. There’s an powerful scene near the end of the movie when (spoiler alert) the face and voice of God appears to the crew. But later we learn the source of this appearance, which Neville calls the “fake God.”
Although he would never put this in these words, he makes a “philosophical distinction” between “fake” and “real.” That distinction between “appearance” and “reality” is central to philosophical wonder and thinking.
Be in the Present Moment
Neville excels in the practice that many of us try to achieve through meditation, journal writing, self-talk, and deep breathing. He lives in the present moment. And he lives with joy.
Friday is a movie night. Around 4 p.m. he goes to his room to get a shower. The lead-up to the actual shower can last for an hour, as he listens to the music du jour, which ranges from The Four Seasons to Mary Chapin Carpenter to Kiss. Whatever the music, he sings along confidently and with gusto, even if a bit off key sometimes. He’s in the present; he’s happy.
He’s happy every morning when he wakes up, ready to go. His older brother Chris shakes his head and laughs, remembering when he was in high school and trying to get that last bit of sleep before getting up for school, as Neville blasted out the “Four Seasons” at high volume on his tape player. Every morning.
For the past twenty years, I’ve learned much from reading and listening to the Zen Buddhist Thích Nhất Hạnh (1926-2022). Nhat Hanh, who in 1967 was nominated by Martin Luther King, Jr., for the Nobel Peace Prize for his work during the Vietnam war, had an amazing presence of calm and understanding. (You can read a biography here, or watch a video biography here.)
In an audio recording of Nhat Hanh’s teaching about mindful breathing, he says, “when you are not there, not clearly there, you cannot see things clearly…. Therefore, to make ourselves available to our beloved ones, we should be there. And that is done by [mindfully] breathing in and breathing out. That is the practice of mindfulness, mindfulness means to be aware, to be aware of what is going on. Your child is coming, and she wants some attention, some affection, and the basic condition is that you are there…. Life can be found only in the present moment.”
I’m happy that this morning I was present when Neville was talking about his love for and curiosity about life, and about the circle of life.
We can all learn a lot from Neville and people like him.
Neville Herbert-Reynolds
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[1] This is a loose translation, but it keeps the essential meaning of Plato’s thought, as found in the dialogue Theaetetus, section 155d. Socrates says to Theaetetus, “For this feeling of wonder shows that you are a philosopher, since wonder is the only beginning of philosophy.” http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0172%3Atext%3DTheaet.%3Asection%3D155d
An inspiring piece, Norris, and thank you for seeing the magic and listening to Neville. He lives in the now and beautifully so.
Ohhh, Neville. You touch my heart so very deeply. The world is surely a better place with you in it.
Jean, thank you so much for your comments! Your words touch me.
From the moment I first met him, I sensed that Neville could “see” me. He looked directly into my eyes as he shook my hand.
I felt as if he was curious, willing … genuine.
He has only reinforced that feeling over the years.
We are all blessed that he is among us.
Thanks for the insights, Norris.
Well done.
Scott, thank you so much for your beautiful comments about my post and Neville. You capture Neville well. Your words mean a great deal to me.
What a beautiful tribute to Neville. Remembering my interactions with Neville, I agree that being in the moment is who he is. I know my life has been enhanced because he has been part of it. Since I have a child with more severe developmental disabilities, I appreciate what Kimberley has done to help him develop into a wonderful human being.
Ike, thank you for your comments, which mean much to me. Your experience enables you to understand well what Neville and Kimberley have accomplished.
Neville is such a blessing. I can read that in the words his bonus Dad has written in this. He has been exposed to fine things such as music and art which are so enriching.
May God bless Kimberly for all her endeavors to mold Neville into the neat, interesting, and out going man he has become.
I think Neville would be a blessing to anyone he meets.
Kudos
Norris and Chris are a gift to him, just as he is a gift to them.
Live long and prosper, Neville!
Joanne, thank you for your comments, which mean much to me. Neville is indeed a blessing. Neville loves your Star Trek reference, “Live long and prosper”! May we all!
Thanks for sharing about Neville and your being present for each other. In a weekly contemplative practice, we speak often of being present in the moment ourselves and with others. Sometimes our presence with others can be without words. The presence is felt and often communicates love, kindness, and sometimes a person remembers actual words though none were spoken. Neville is a terrific person, and he is blessed to be in your family.
Cynthia, thank you for your comments, which mean much to me. I appreciate your sharing your good insights from your weekly contemplative practice: “Sometimes our presence with others can be without words. The presence is felt and often communicates love, kindness, and sometimes a person remembers actual words though none were spoken.”
Norris, This is a beautiful heartfelt tribute to two beautiful persons – Neville and Kimberley. Thank you for sharing this inspirational message.
Becky, thank you so much for your comments, which mean much to me. I appreciate your love of Neville’s art work.
Norris, thank you!!! I thoroughly enjoyed what you have graciously share about you and Neville and the other philosophers!
Gary
Gary, thank you for your words, which mean much to me!
Norris,
What a beautiful tribute to Neville (and to Kimberly as well). We can all learn from those who are intelligent enough to live in the moment, because most of waste too much of our lives in apprehension of the future and / or in trying to recapture the past. Thank you for this.
Randy, thank you so much for your words, which mean much to me. I appreciate your sharing this excellent and helpful insight,
“We can all learn from those who are intelligent enough to live in the moment, because most of waste too much of our lives in apprehension of the future and / or in trying to recapture the past.”
Hi Norris, I so enjoyed reading about Neville and seeing his beautiful work. He is such a talented artist. Also his warmth, curiosity, joy, and good humor are attributes we all should try and access as often as possible. “Being in the moment” in this day and time is truly a blessing. The loving and supportive family you all have provided is wonderful and I’m sure contributes to his loving demeanor, creativity, friendliness, and curiosity about life. You are all so fortunate to have each other. ❤️
Terrie, thank you so much for sharing your insights, which mean so much to me. You are absolutely right about Neville! We are indeed all fortunate.
I loved it, Norris.
Heartfelt thanks,
Charlie
Charlie, thank you so much! So glad you loved it.
I feel a kinship with Neville in his curiosity and appreciation of life. Norris your story reminds me of a memory I have been reflecting on a lot lately. I hope briefly sharing it here will not seem too self-centered.
You may not know this but I was sick all the time as a child. I used to spend too much time looking out the window while the rest of the street was out “running amuck”. However there was a really nice boy that lived a couple of houses up from us on Ridgewood Ave. He would often come sit with me and we would talk about the most amazing things like how important it is to daydream, even if your mom says you shouldn’t (like his mom said frequently to him). We also wondered one summer day about how the universe is so so huge! Soo many stars! We would wonder what that means about God and who and what we are. We didn’t know of course. But we were curious….just like your Neville and his musings on the circle of life. I was very lucky to have such a nice friend like the boy up the street to examine the nature of reality with. I never had another friend like him, not until adulthood. We were lucky like Neville, who had an amazing mom, and is still so because he has your support and love. Someone who would listen to him and share in his wonderings.
Tommie, thank you so much for your words, and letting me know you feel a kindship with Neville. I so appreciate your sharing your memories of the little boy up the street: “We were curious….just like your Neville and his musings on the circle of life. I was very lucky to have such a nice friend like the boy up the street to examine the nature of reality with.” We are all fortunate if we have such a friend!
Yes. Amen. Thank you. 🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏾❤️
Thank you, Kathy!
Norris,
This warmed my heart. Neville, Kimberley and you are all heroes to me.
Out in Davidson on the lake right now – too close to heaven!
Moving back to Charlotte to Strawberry Hill Apartments next week; would love to get together some time.
Hope life continues to be good for all of you.
Best,
Davis
Davis, thank you so much for your words, which mean much to me! Glad to hear you were enjoying the lake as you wote, and that you are moving back to Charlotte.
Lovely evocation of Neville–
and of the “moment” we’re all in.
Thanks Norris!
Thank so much, Ira!
Norris, This is a beautiful story about a beautiful person. Several years ago, my husband and I had the opportunity to work with a group heading towards the Special Olympics. Their unbridled excitement and love for the things that some take for granted was certainly a beautiful learning experience.
Your wife’s love and dedication to Neville and I am sure all of you , is an inspiration to all. I think I can say that your whole family is an inspiration as well.
Phyliss, thank you so much for your warm and insightful comments! I appreciate your sharing about working with a group heading toward the Special Olympics and the insight you drew from that: “Their unbridled excitement and love for the things that some take for granted was certainly a beautiful learning experience.”
Nick and I read this piece together and were equally moved, remembering students we had taught who were examples of innocent perfection. Good job Kimberley and Norris.
Olga and Nick, thanks for letting me know this essay connected with you both. You understand, both of you being fine educators.